My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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