There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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