Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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