I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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