well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
