What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
