apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
