I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
