Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Randomize
