Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
