vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
