i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So squirting runs in the family.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
