So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
