So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
