you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
