When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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