My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's rum buckets o'clock
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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