9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
