We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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