Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
