Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
