I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
