Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
