I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
