Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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