Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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