just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
