I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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