why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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