The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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