Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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