Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
