My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
