I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
