I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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