We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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