I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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