hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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