If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
