You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
