I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
