I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
