I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you had me at cake vodka
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
