ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
