His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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