just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
