it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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