from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
