Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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