Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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