I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
