Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
