dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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