Kiss
Puke
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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