I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
