That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
