Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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