he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I met the friendliest cop last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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