please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
