you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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