are you still at the devil's house?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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